


worse things i could do

by lilaliacs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Grease AU, M/M, Modern Grease AU, basically theres the gangs and theres milkshakes but there's also smartphones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 22:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14724779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaliacs/pseuds/lilaliacs
Summary: Jeno knows how to deal with things.He doesn't know how to deal with Jaemin.





	worse things i could do

**Author's Note:**

> HI PLEASE READ THIS 
> 
> this is basically a sequel to [this markhyuckhei social media au](https://twitter.com/wannaorbit/status/989078729853980673?s=19) i did on twitter 
> 
> idk if you HAVE to read the au to understand this fic, i tried my best to explain the important parts here, but i think it would definitely help so!! 
> 
> quick rundown: 
> 
> pink ladies - jaemin, donghyuck, renjun, jungwoo 
> 
> t-birds - jeno, yukhei, jisung, chenle 
> 
> ♡ enjoy

Feelings, Jaemin thinks, feelings are complicated. He promised himself he would never get caught up in unnecessary feelings years ago, and he’s stuck to that. 

Now especially, he is more glad for that than ever, as he watches an entire soap opera take place right in front of his eyes, starring Donghyuck, Mark and Yukhei, complete with tragic backstories, drunken party mishaps and miscommunication. Jaemin is counting his blessings that he is just a bystander. Or as close as he can get. 

He feels bad for Donghyuck, of course, having to deal with his crush making out with his ex that he’s not quite over yet, and he feels bad for Mark, having to deal with a whole lot of questions that no one is answering. But second-hand feelings are still easier to deal with then real first-hand ones, and Jaemin is counting his blessings. 

Sometimes he wonders whether it would make things easier if they never picked up the whole gang thing from Ten and Johnny. It’s proven to make things far more complicated than they have to be. 

Jaemin thinks it is stupid, most of the time, how serious they take the whole rivalling gang stuff. Other times, it’s pretty entertaining, and he isn’t going to lie, he prides himself on his embroidered pink bomber-jacket, and maybe, sometimes, it’s fun to antagonise the T-Birds simply because of the fact that he is in possession of that precise bomber jacket. 

Today is not one of those other times and he ends up forcing Jeno to come over to his house in the middle of the day, because sometimes he likes to forget about the existence of gangs and embroidered bomber jackets. 

“So” Jeno says as he drops down on the couch next to Jaemin. “Jungwoo’s party was wild, huh?”

They haven’t really spoken after they found Mark and Yukhei at said party. It had been a mess of Donghyuck dramatically storming off, Chenle screaming about the fact that Mark and Yukhei of all people were making out, Jungwoo babbling on about how he absolutely had to tell Renjun about this. Jaemin made sure that Donghyuck got home safely and didn’t bother to go back to the party afterwards. 

He doesn’t really know how to handle all of this, he doesn’t even know if he should handle anything about this. At the end of the day, this is about Donghyuck, Mark and Yukhei, and whatever complicated teen-angst they had gotten themselves in. But at the end of the day, Mark and Donghyuck are Jaemin’s best friends, so really, he doesn’t really have any choice but to intermingle. 

“Yeah, it was a whole mess.” He sighs while he lowers the TV’s volume. 

“And I didn’t even get drunk!” Jeno laughs. 

“You couldn’t have, Yukhei stole all your booze.” Jaemin reminds him with a small grin. 

That brings a small exaggerated pout to Jeno’s lips. “True. I didn’t even find out where Jungwoo got the chicken from. I was hungry _and_ didn’t have booze, and Yukhei was sulking. All in all the evening was a bust and now everyone’s kinda down, huh?”

“You don’t even know the half of it.” Jaemin sighs again. 

It’s true, Jeno has no idea how _‘kinda down’_ Mark and Donghyuck are, exactly. Jaemin on the other hand has been witnessing the extent of it for two days now, and it hasn’t been easy on his nerves. 

Jeno picks up on the frown that has made its way onto Jaemin’s face. “Oh. That bad?” 

“Renjun is trying to cheer up Donghyuck right now with milkshakes from the diner, but judging from his mood ever since the party, I’m not sure even that will help. And Mark has been a wreck. Donghyuck hasn’t spoken to him, and him and Yukhei haven’t talked… The poor boy still thought he was straight when he moved here, did you know that?” 

“Ouch.” Jeno replies sympathetically. 

“I actually…” Jaemin starts, but interrupts himself. He’s not entirely sure how to put what he has to say. “I actually might have gotten soft on Mark and done something I shouldn’t have.” 

Jeno just raises an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. It’s nice, Jaemin notes, how good of a listener Jeno is. He’s found out that little fact about the other in the last month or so, when by some turn of fate, they hung out more than entirely warranted, given the fact they were supposed to antagonise each other. 

A good listener is precisely what Jaemin needs right now, because he’s tired of having to listen to his own thoughts. There’s just a lot of them, and the last hour or so of overthinking hasn’t helped in the slightest he realises now, as he opens his mouth and just let’s everything tumble out.

“I might have told Mark about Yukhei’s and Donghyuck’s entire _thing_ , like how they used to date and how it didn’t end well and how that’s the reason that the gang-thing even exists and how Donghyuck’s still not over Yukhei and everything and also I kind of implied that Donghyuck likes Mark which I really shouldn’t have, I mean, I don’t think Mark understood, but I still shouldn’t have done it and now I feel kind of terrible about it but also I really think Mark deserved to know and just-” Jaemin cuts himself off with another deep sigh. “You know?!”

Jeno just looks at him for a few silent seconds and Jaemin is about to backtrack, to tell him to just forget about it and that it’s stupid and emotions are stupid, but Jeno is faster.

“You shouldn’t feel terrible.” He starts, then scrunches up his nose like he said something wrong and only just realized. “I mean, I understand that you do, I would too, probably, but… The way I see it, you care a lot about your friends. You want them to be happy. And you told Mark about all these things because, in the end, they’ll help them resolve this huge mess, right?”

“That’s the plan.” Jaemin allows. “But-” 

“Then I don’t think you should feel bad. It was maybe not the best thing to do, but it’s done now, and brooding about it doesn’t change anything, right?” Jeno says it with a small, comforting smile. “Let’s just hope it works out in the way you wanted it to.”

Jaemin thinks Jeno is really trying to make him feel better here, and he knows that it’s probably just empty words, but Jeno’s smile is so sincere, and maybe Jaemin really wants to believe him, really wants to let himself be comforted. “Yeah, let’s hope.” He agrees quietly, even though he doesn’t know why Jeno is including himself into this mess. 

The smile on Jeno’s face grows wider. “Okay.” 

They just sit there for a few seconds, Jeno smiling at him, Jaemin fidgeting with his fingers in his lap, before Jeno speaks up again: “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?” When Jaemin looks back at him, he adds: “As a distraction?”

They end up watching _Mamma Mia_ , and it actually works. Jaemin forgets about his friends’ drama over Jeno singing along off-pitch and over Jeno throwing gummy bears at him, aiming right at his nose, and over Jeno leaning into him during a laughing fit. 

It works for precisely an hour, before Renjun texts him from the diner. 

“Yukhei and Chenle just walked into the diner and Renjun is panicking.” Jaemin explains to Jeno, who stopped the movie after Jaemin had groaned at his phone, loudly. 

“That is… not good.” Is Jeno’s judgement, and it brings a small, bitter laugh to Jaemin’s lips. 

“No shit, Sherlock.” 

He focusses on replying to Renjun for a minute, before updating Jeno: “Yukhei isn’t trying to talk to Hyuck.” He looks up from his phone then. “How is he doing with all of this, actually?” 

“Entirely fine, according to him.” Jaemin can hear in Jeno’s tone that he has heard it one too many times from Yukhei, and that he doesn’t believe it. 

“He refuses to talk to me about it.” Jeno huffs, confirming Jaemin’s suspicions. “But in my opinion he’s just upset that Donghyuck refused to talk to him and after the thing with Mark, he’s probably really confused. They all are, I think.” 

Jaemin nods absentmindedly as he types away on his phone. “Yeah.” 

With a small sigh, he lets his head fall onto Jeno’s shoulder, his eyes still on his phone screen as Renjun updates him about the situation over at the diner. 

“Feelings are terrible and confusing.” Jaemin says, and Jeno quietly hums in agreement as he wraps an arm around Jaemin’s waist. 

*** 

Things surprisingly don’t get worse after that afternoon. A few days later Jaemin makes it his mission to inspire Yukhei (read: force him) to talk to Mark and Donghyuck and give or take two hours later, the three of them have talked, are dating, and Jeno says he is decidedly _not_ crying, absolutely not, he’s just happy for them. 

Jaemin is, too, and despite Donghyuck’s threats on his life for getting involved, Jaemin knows that he doesn’t really have to worry about it anymore. 

“You were right.” He tells Jeno, pocketing his phone. “Everything worked out in the end.” 

They’re laying on the patio of Jeno’s house, glasses of lemonade forgotten in the sun, no clouds in the sky. Jaemin turns to lay on his back, closes his eyes and just basks in the warmth for a moment, and in the fact that his friends will be happier now. The thought is just as warm as the sunlight on his skin. 

Jeno hasn’t replied yet, he realizes then, so he cracks open one eye and looks over, only to find Jeno’s eyes already on him. There’s a smile on his face, not his usual, wide one, but smaller, nearly secretive, like it’s not supposed to be seen by anyone. 

“You okay?” Jaemin asks because on one hand he wants to know what’s going on in Jeno’s head, on the other he feels like he might just spontaneously combust if Jeno looks at him like that in silence for even one second longer. 

And just like that, the moment is over, Jeno’s smile grows wider, brighter, more familiar, as he nods. “Yeah, I’m great.” He replies, shifting to lay down next to Jaemin. 

Jaemin hums more to himself then to Jeno, nods, and closes his eyes again. His insides still feel like the sunlight is warming them up. 

***

The change in dynamics between the two groups is everything but gradual after that. Last week, they still had designated tables in the cafeteria, the two furthest from each other because one of their teachers got fed up with their antics. 

Now, they pushed together some tables to make room for all of them, Renjun is forcing Yukhei to give some of his food to Jisung, Mark tries to feed a fry to Donghyuck who just laughs at him, Jungwoo and Chenle are very immersed in a discussion about some movie. 

Jaemin is sitting silently, watching his friends make an absolute mess even worse than whatever they could’ve fabricated when they were still “rivals” and smiles to himself. 

A nudge on his arm distracts him from the scene and he turns to see a cherry dangling right in front of his nose. 

He blinks, leaning back a fraction to look at Jeno, but all he gets is a grin. “You like cherries.” Jeno states. 

It’s not a question, and Jaemin supposes it doesn’t have to be. The two of them had quite a heated discussion about fruit last week, when Jeno had discovered that Jaemin didn’t like strawberries and had seen that as some kind of personal insult. 

“Thanks.” Jaemin mumbles, before his eyes fall on a whole crate of cherries on the table in front of them and he knits his eyebrows together. “Did you bring these for me?”

Jeno’s grin grows impossibly wider. “What if I did?” 

“Then you shouldn’t have.” Jaemin narrows his eyes at him as he plops one cherry into his mouth. “Don’t spend money on me, idiot.” 

“I’ll remind you about that next time you want me to pay at the diner.” Jeno muses with an honest-to-god wink, then turns to talk to Jisung about something they have planned for the afternoon. 

Jaemin somehow can’t focus back on whatever the rest of them are doing, his attention on the cherries, only deterred when Jisung makes Jeno laugh so hard a few minutes later that he nearly falls off his chair. 

♡

Jeno prides himself on being pretty perceptive. He’s good at listening to people, does his best to give advice, or whatever else is needed. 

He usually knows how to handle situations. 

He doesn’t really know how to handle Jaemin. 

It was pure coincidence, really, that they started to get closer even before this whole mess started. They were paired together for a history project, none of their other friends shared the class, they had to meet up a few times to finish the project and somewhere along the line, Jaemin just kinda stuck to him. Or maybe, he muses, he stuck to Jaemin. That seems more likely. 

Before Donghyuck and Yukhei had pretty much divided their two groups in freshman year, him and Jaemin hadn’t been particularly close, so it was a question of getting to know each other rather than getting reacquaintanced, but Jeno couldn’t help but wonder why they hadn’t been close before. They clicked, there’s not really another word for it. They worked. 

“So what exactly are you trying to tell me here?” Ten interrupts him suddenly, looking up from the counter he was cleaning. “All I’m getting is that you and Jaemin are friends now, I don’t really see how I can help you with that.” He throws the cloth over his shoulder and pauses for a second. “Unless you don’t want to be friends with him anymore. Do you want me to scare him off? Because I don’t know if I can do that, he’s kind of terrifying.” 

“No!” Jeno hurries to say. 

“So you want to stay friends with him?” 

“...No.” 

Ten’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Okay?” 

Jeno fidgets with his fingers for a few seconds, not sure how to explain himself. He had a whole speech planned out to get to his point, and Ten kind of destroyed it by cutting him off. 

“Oh.” Ten suddenly says and when Jeno looks up again, he sees wide eyes understanding instead of confusion. “ _Oh._ ” Ten says again, before setting down the cloth and walking around the counter to sit down next to Jeno. 

“I see what’s going on here.”

“You do?” Jeno asks, quietly. “Because I’m not 100% sure.”

“You have a crush on Jaemin!” Ten all but cheers and yes, Jeno had gotten that far by himself. “And you don’t know how to tell him.” Ten continues. 

That’s not precisely it. He tells Ten as much. In reply to the other’s questioning eyebrows he huffs: “I think he knows.”

“So you told him?” 

“Not exactly.” Jeno says and he can’t really judge Ten for still being confused. He is too, that’s why he came to the diner for advice in the first place. 

Getting down to it, he hasn’t told Jaemin how he feels about him, not in words at least. 

“Not everything can be said with words.” He tries to explain to Ten. Some things can be said with movie nights, with seeking out physical contact even if it’s not entirely necessary, with crates of cherries, with laughing like it’s just the two of them in the whole world. 

“Well, some things definitely should be said with words.” Is Ten’s take on it. 

Jeno sighs. “He’s not stupid. I’m pretty sure he knows, but he doesn’t seem like he wants to talk about it.” 

“What do you mean?”

Here’s the part of the conversation Jeno dreaded. He’s good at dealing with things, yet Jaemin only confuses him, and he doesn’t really know how to tell Ten why. 

It’s not like Jaemin is cold towards him, or openly rejecting him. On the contrary, oftentimes it’s him who asks Jeno to hang out even though they already spent the majority of the weekend together, who rests his head on Jeno’s shoulder while they’re watching movies. And yet, every time Jeno goes a bit beyond that, crosses the line from casual banter to flirting, lingers with his touches for a second too long, just to test the waters, something about Jaemin’s demeanour changes. He doesn’t push him off, would never shut him out, but there’s something tense about him in those moments, and he never mentions it afterwards. 

“Well, maybe you should mention it then.” Ten suggests carefully. 

“He obviously doesn't want to talk about it.” Jeno gives back, but even before he finishes the sentence, Ten is shaking his head. 

“But you want to talk about it. The way I see it, either you’re wrong and Jaemin doesn’t actually know what’s going on with the two of you and you should definitely tell him, or you’re right, and he does know, in which case what he’s doing is some kind of a dick move.” 

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to let me down-” Jeno starts, but Ten cuts him off. 

“You need to talk about this Jeno. Don’t put things into his mouth that he has never said, don’t give him the benefit of the doubt when it leaves you the only one hurt by this.” He looks at Jeno earnestly for a moment then. “You need to stop being a bystander in your own life, bud.” 

It sounds like something way more significant than Jeno would deem his gay teen angst to be, but somehow he can’t help but think that Ten might have a point. 

“What do I tell him?” He asks, his voice small. He thinks he sees Ten coo at him from the corner of his eye, but doesn’t call him out on it for once. 

“Just tell him what you think. I think he deserves to know exactly how you feel about him, right?” 

***  
It’s harder than one might think, to tell someone exactly how you feel about them. Over the last few weeks the two of them had hung out lots, just the two of them, some kind of warped perception of their friend-circles being sworn enemies keeping them from inviting anyone along with them, or from telling anyone about it. 

If it was still like that, Jeno would have had hundreds of opportunities to talk to Jaemin by now. Alas, all of their friends are suddenly also friends with each other, or dating each other, and it makes it that much harder to catch Jaemin alone. 

On the rare occasions that he does catch him alone, like when Chenle gets grounded that one time, or when Renjun has to leave early to help his cousin with something, it’s like Jaemin knows what he’s planning to do and does his best to avoid it. 

Ten calls him paranoid when Jeno tells him about it and reminds him to stop running from his own feelings, to stop making excuses. 

One time, Jaemin puts on the worst horror movie Jeno has ever watched in his entire life. By the end of it they’re both too shaken up to talk about anything, really. Another time, Jaemin decides to Skype his grandmother, and somehow the woman never stops talking and none of them ever end the call and Jeno really doesn’t want to confess to Jaemin while his grandmother is watching them.

Right now, Jaemin is asleep on his shoulder. It’s definitely an effective way to avoid conversations, Jeno thinks, but it also really puts him on the spot. The boy he’s kind of in love with is asleep on his shoulder, and he looks beautiful, and he’s holding on to the front of Jeno’s hoodie, and yes, he might have been avoiding him all this time, and this has been the perfect opportunity to finally tell him, but he can’t just wake him up and- 

“Jeno?” 

Jaemin is sleepily blinking up at him, interrupting the panicked detour his mind had taken. 

“Sorry for falling asleep on you, I- I didn’t catch a lot of sleep last night.” 

“That’s fine.” Jeno assures him, but it comes out kind of strained. 

Jaemin looks at him then, and it’s like he’s looking for something in Jeno’s face, in his eyes, like he’s searching. Jeno doesn’t know what Jaemin is searching for, and he can’t find the words to ask, but after a few more seconds, Jaemin seems to find it. He takes a deep breath, as if to brace himself for something, then looks Jeno straight in the eyes and asks: “Everything okay?” 

And there it is. There is the perfect opportunity. Jaemin is laying in his arms, more or less, looking up at him expectantly through his lashes and they’re the only ones here and the lighting is warm and comfortable. 

And Jeno smiles and says: “Yeah, I’m good.” 

Jaemin looks taken aback, in the smallest dimensions possible. It’s in the way his eyes widen that tiny little bit, how his hand still holding onto Jeno’s sweater shifts slightly, how he takes in a breath, not quite steady. Jeno knows then, that Jaemin knows. 

He knows that he’s throwing him a lifeline, when he asks again: “Are you sure?” 

And yet, he nods. “Yeah.” 

He pulls Jaemin’s hand from his hoodie then, shifts him by his shoulders so he’s sitting upright instead of leaning on Jeno and says: “I should probably get going.” 

He stands, and so does Jaemin, mirroring his movements as in a daze. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jeno smiles, and turns towards the door, takes a step.

A hand wraps around his wrist then. 

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Jaemin asks, his voice quiet, small. 

“What do you want me to say?” He replies, just as small. He doesn’t turn around, at first, only when Jaemin doesn’t reply. Jaemin looks back at him with wide eyes. 

“Just…” He starts. “Just say it.” It’s barely a whisper, barely a gust of air, barely makes its way over to Jeno, yet it rings in his ears. 

“Do you really want me to? Because it didn’t seem like you did, before now.” It comes out harsher than he intends to, and he feels his heart ache at the way Jaemin flinches. 

“I’m sorry.” Is what Jaemin says first, and then: “I’m scared.” 

“Of me?” Jeno asks, and Jaemin’s grip on his wrist tightens as he hurries to shake his head. 

“No. Never you.” 

“Of what, then?” Jeno asks, and he makes sure to keep his voice level, to not let it betray the emotions whirling inside him. Jaemin looks fragile at that moment and it seems like only one gust of that storm could take him away. 

Jeno slips his wrist out of Jaemin’s grasp, but only to put his hand where it had been, to intertwine their fingers. 

“I’m scared of all these- Of all these _feelings_. Feelings are terrible and confusing.” Jaemin brings out. 

“Yeah, they are.” Jeno nods. “But that doesn’t mean you should ignore them.” _That doesn’t mean you should ignore me._

“I’m sorry.” Jaemin says again. He’s holding onto Jeno’s hand like he’s the one in need of a lifeline now. 

“Do you still want to hear it?” Jeno asks, and when Jaemin nods tentatively, he runs a soothing thumb over the back of his hand and he talks. 

He talks about how he knows how to deal with things, but he never knew how to deal with Jaemin, with the way Jaemin makes him feel. He talks about all the little things, about cherries, about Jaemin’s head fitting perfectly in the crook of his neck. He talks about fear too, about feelings, about finding a way to stop being a bystander to it all. 

“I just thought you didn’t want to hear any of this.” Is what he ends with. 

“I wasn’t sure if I did.” Jaemin admits, and his voice is watery with the tears threatening to spill over. “But I did. I really did. And I’m sorry I didn’t let you say it earlier. I’m sorry that I didn’t say it.” 

A single tear rolls over Jaemin’s cheek and Jeno smiles as he reaches up to wipe it away. 

“I forgive you.” He says. “We’re teenagers. We’re allowed to be scared of things.” 

“I don’t think I’m scared anymore.” Jaemin whispers, as he puts a hand over Jeno’s on his cheek and keeps it there. 

“No?” Jeno smiles, and Jaemin shakes his head slightly, the tiniest smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

“No. And I think you should take me out on a milkshake right now.” 

And Jeno smiles and nods, and when Jaemin kisses him later that night he tastes like the cherry-milkshake he had and Jeno thinks it’s pretty cool to stop being a bystander in your own life.


End file.
